The Devil behind the Chaerm

I left my purse at home when it had my student ID and cards in it for registering for a job on campus. Couldn't do it because I didn't have my shit.

/fortheloveofallthatisgoodandholyepicfail

getting screwed over at work - xmas eve he's letting everyone work a half day...I'm already reduced to a half day. He said he'd make it up to me. yeah, fuckin right.

/cocksuckingsonofacheapassmotherfuckingbitchfail

I had to call the management company of my place today and tell them that I may not have the rent for January. They told me: "well, it's up to the landlord whether or not they will work with you."

/notworthanygoddamnthingfail

I went to the food bank - they moved their location and the girl gave me the wrong directions to get there before they closed

/don'tactallindignantwhenyougavemethewrongfuckingdirectionsfail

found my old car in impound. they guy that I was involved with (and can't seem to untangle myself from) I *thought* was supposed to take care of it since he is the reason it was fucking impounded in the first place. I'm paying for it...when I don't even have money for food. Classic.

/fuckinggoddamnpieceofshitwhosaysthathedoesnothingbutgiveandgiveandgive?epicfuckingfail

Cried for 20 minutes in the car and got pissed off when someone I truly care about texted me to spend time with me and then I called and laid into them about not wanting to take care of anyone when I can't even take care of my goddamn self. They didn't deserve that and I'm a fucking douche.

/whatkindofamiserablepieceofshitamI?fail

I have so much work to complete in so little time...
I'm done.
I think my mind took a vacation and I'm completely done...
because I'm numb and cold and overwhelmed and I don't think I'm going to make it. I don't. I really don't.

/cries

Job search at the college tenuous at best. Went to counseling to see if they could help me out. They gave me a voucher for a food box. I know I shouldn't feel as low and worthless as I do b/c it's all about surviving, but I've never even had to consider food stamps and now, that's suddenly an option in my life. How did I get here? /sigh

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If I _ever_ get married again, I want it to be something cool like this

I know that if you're anything like me, you're wondering what the honeymoon looks like...all I can say is mrowl!

Oh, and that my hair has been that beautiful shade of pink before!


more on this later...for now, I must work work work...

Yeah, the girl in accounting called off AGAIN so I am inevitably stuck with her job, my job and remaining EOM paperwork to muddle through.  Since I sat down I've done nothing but work my ass off and everything on my desk, colossus or otherwise, has been removed from my desk with regard to completion.  I rule and am too too cool for school...well...not really, but I'd like to think so.

I've been having these weird homey tendencies.  It must be the Fall hibernating thing that my body gets because all I want to do is bake, stay around the house and cuddle.  This time of year always sets off my homemaker/homebody instincts.  There's so much more I could prattle on about, however, the time nor the mental sanity does not afford me such a s luxury...

In any case, much love to everyone...

Why? Because I'm daydreaming about this:

G-Spot Amplification® Introduction

The G-spot or Gräfenberg spot is named for Dr. Ernest Grafenberg, who first described it in a 1950's article in the International Journal of Sexology as a highly erogenous zone inside the vagina that gets bigger when directly stimulated. This discovery can enhance sexual stimulation for women and deepen many facets of pleasure. G-Spot Amplification® was invented and developed by the renowned Beverly Hills gynecologist David Matlock, MD, MBA, FACOG. The G-Shot® or G-Spot Amplification® is a patent pending technique to enhance the Grafenberg Spot with a bioengineered human collagen product.

The G Shot®

The G-Shot® is painless and the procedure is performed in your doctor's office under local anesthesia. A specially designed speculum is used to assist to deliver a specified amount of collagen directly into the G-Spot. The actual injection usually takes less than 8 seconds and the total time in the examination room is usually less than 10-15 minutes. The G-Shot® creates a G-Spot about the size of a "quarter" in diameter with an internal projection of about 3-5 mm. The G-Shot last about 4 months (results may vary) and requires repeat injection every three months to maintain the effect.

I've made it no secret that I can never find mine.  I've been told that it's actually in a hideaway spot which is why I have problems.  Sooooo...there's actually someone in the valley that does it.


The Body Sculpting Center
Marvin Borsand, D.O, William Schuell, M.D., Michael Schwartz, M.D., Paul Fox, M.D.
Scottsdale, AZ 85257

Squee...

There's a free consultation...

I think that makes me a pervert...I wouldn't do it until my finances are in order, but it does make a deliciously delightful thing to think about.

/epic sigh

yummy

And look at how cozy the front of the place looks...it's like they are saying: "hey.  look at our pretty presentation...you could be prettily presented too..."

evil evil evil...I wanna give in to evil...only sometimes.

Walking up the hill tonight
when you have closed your eyes.
I wish I didn't have to make
all those mistakes and be wise.
Please try to be patient
and know that I'm still learning.
I'm sorry that you have to see
the strength inside me burning.

But where are you my angel now?
Don't you see me crying?
And I know that you can't do it all
but you can't say I'm not trying.
I'm on my knees in front of him
but he doesn't seem to see me.
With all his troubles on his mind
he's looking right through me.
And I'm letting myself down
by satisfying you.
And I wish that you could see
I have my troubles too.

Looking at you sleeping
I'm with the man I know.
I'm sitting here weeping
while the hours pass so slow.
And I know that in the morning
I'll have to let you go
and you'll be just a man
once I used to know.
Before these past few days
someone I don't recognize.
This isn't all my fault.
when will you realize?

Looking at you leaving, I'm looking for a sign

Yes...I'm a total dork...

Yes I want to go again this year...in all of my Victorian finery

Yes, I've never been to Seattle ("It rains 9 months out of the year in Seattle!")

Yes, I want to make it happen...any takers on a roadtrip with me?

The owner of the company that I work with just told me I'm learning too much. Really? Seriously? That's totally Idiocracy right there!

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Yes, call me horribly gushy, but this is exactly how I feel here, sitting in my bf's room.  After I took care of the things I needed to take care of, I did exactly what he said I was going to do, which was lie on his bed and smell his smell.  I miss him...and I can't help but to think that he is now an intrinsic part of my life...I go through the motions of everyday life and every bit of him is attached to something I've experienced or am experiencing...

About a week before he left for his trip, he told me that he loved me.  I've never wanted more and never have I felt I got so much out of just three little words...such precious words that can just roll off people's tongues and not mean a thing, but for me, it was everything...

I can't believe I have a little over 3 more days without him...it actually feels like a lifetime.

school...school...work and school...will get through this...one day at a time.

I'm so sleepy.  I wish I could sleep next to him...

Done and conquered!!! Yes, that is MY BOOT on the edge of the cliff! I just want to say that M is a maniac and that I AM on the top of SKULLCRUSHER MOUNTAIN!

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It's the power of positive thinking...

My landlord destroyed the whole reason why I got my house...observe the desolation and lack of green...

I was so upset I couldn't even take a picture of the back...

Then, going over M's house, my car died... Took it to pep. Boys...the engine is shot...well, I guess I have to get another car..

Going hiking today...will sweat my cares away...

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Or, is this a visual pun? I'm not sure.

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I'm in accounting and I come across a check that I have to process:

I'm feeling things.

I'm feeling interesting things.

I'm feeling numb.

I'm feeling like things aren't the way that they were.

I'm feeling I'm changing.

I'm feeling uncertainty.

There are just some days when I just shouldn't open my mouth.

WTF. I'm being tested.

I may flunk out.

It's only when we've lost everything that we are free to do anything...